Category: food advertising gone wrong

Wellness Ham

food advertising gone wrong, meat gone wrong

I don’t know about you, but when I think of “wellness,” “health food,” and “yoga facing a waterfall while my pert behind is being photographed,” the next thing on my mind is increasing my consumption of processed pork. But not just any pork — no, it has to be softly scalloped and thinly sliced pork, pork so ethereal it is crowned the ham of the month, or, as the text on the package has it, “the especially light ham indulgence.”

I’m so looking forward to “fasting salami” and “meditation meatballs.”

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Pumpkin spice season has begun

desserts gone wrong, food advertising gone wrong, holiday food gone wrong, pumpkin spice gone wrong

There are the pumpkins. There are the fall-reddened maple leaves. And there’s the blob of diarrhea-like pudding that claims to be pumpkin spice Jell-o. Lots of artificial flavor, NO artificial sweeteners — so you know it’s healthy. Same great taste as — as what? As pumpkin spice that grows in the wild?

 

Thank you to Jenna for this photo, which in the epic catalogue of pumpkin spice-flavored food, is not even that bad.

Energy mix for Women

food advertising gone wrong, snack food gone wrong

Well, given that women are biologically incapable of using the same soap or shaving gel or dumbbells as men (ours have to be pink or we drop them), it stands to reason that we cannot eat the same energy mix as men. Men’s food gives them the energy to build the world, boss people around, criticize stuff, and make up stupid products to sell to women. Women’s snacks make them…. glow.

 

(Thanks for the folks who pointed out that this was a snack, not coffee!)

Thanks to Amy for her fieldwork!

Pure Maple Syrup

food advertising gone wrong, Uncategorized

Just in case you think I’m about to make fun of maple syrup: I’m a proud, passport-carrying, apologizing Canadian. Of course I’m not going to make fun of maple syrup. I am going to make fun of the State of Vermont. Now, I have nothing against Vermont, it’s a beautiful state, but it must be hard being so close to Canada. It’s just inviting comparisons, and who can measure up to Canada in the maple syrup game? So I’m not surprised that Vermont is feeling a little, how shall we put it, inadequate on the syrup front. It’s almost like Vermont is trying to tell us something about its ability to produce buckets of syrup. I just — I just can’t put my finger on it though.

 

Thanks to Kate N. for this, whose breakfasts apparently can’t be beat for hilarity.