Pumpkin Spice Hummus

Ever wonder what happens when two formerly separate categories of food industry abomination converge? What that Venn-diagram-of-tastebud-horror overlap looks like? Well, wonder no more. You’ve seen chocolate hummus. You’ve seen pumpkin spice everything. It was only a matter of time.

Here is some “pumpkin spice hummus,” which — to channel Linda Richman of Coffee Talk fame — is neither pumpkin, nor spice, nor hummus. Discuss amongst yourselves! I’m gonna go look for some buddah.


Thanks to Alison for this!


Four-dollar Egg

I don’t know what’s the worst thing about this.

Is it the fact that they’ve boiled and peeled an egg, added some fixin’s, and gave it a 2700% markup?

Is it the over-the-top protein concentration for people who probably don’t need any more protein?

Is it the fact that a naturally-packaged product has been unpackaged and then repackaged with environment-killing plastic?

Or is it that I would probably buy this three times a week if I had ready access?


Thanks to Emily Coit for the photo!

Pumpkin Pie Popcorn

I have to confess: this is perhaps the least objectionable of the pumpkin pie trend horrors. Caramel popcorn is already a thing, as awful as I may personally find it. Some stickler for detail decided to call it “pumpkin pie” and note that a seasonal spice blend is really what “pumpkin” denotes today. In fact, I’m willing to say this pumpkin pie popcorn is almost a secret agent, a quiet force of rebellion against ubiquitous pumpkin spice domination.

Or perhaps I’ve totally lost it.


Thank you to Usha for this photo!

Energy mix for Women

Well, given that women are biologically incapable of using the same soap or shaving gel or dumbbells as men (ours have to be pink or we drop them), it stands to reason that we cannot eat the same energy mix as men. Men’s food gives them the energy to build the world, boss people around, criticize stuff, and make up stupid products to sell to women. Women’s snacks make them…. glow.


(Thanks for the folks who pointed out that this was a snack, not coffee!)

Thanks to Amy for her fieldwork!

Princess Goldfish

I think if there’s one thing everyone agrees on, it’s that you can’t start teaching your children to identify with a narrow idea of gender early enough. Lord knows, if little girls were to eat the same crackers as little boys, they might get mixed up about all sorts of things. Thank goodness the folks at Pepperidge Farm have come up with Princess Goldfish crackers. Expect pink-themed “legal associate crackers,” “doctor of internal medicine crackers,” and “president crackers” in about fifty or sixty years.

Thanks to Mary Kate for the photo!

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