Pumpkin Spice Hummus

Ever wonder what happens when two formerly separate categories of food industry abomination converge? What that Venn-diagram-of-tastebud-horror overlap looks like? Well, wonder no more. You’ve seen chocolate hummus. You’ve seen pumpkin spice everything. It was only a matter of time.

Here is some “pumpkin spice hummus,” which — to channel Linda Richman of Coffee Talk fame — is neither pumpkin, nor spice, nor hummus. Discuss amongst yourselves! I’m gonna go look for some buddah.


Thanks to Alison for this!


Four-dollar Egg

I don’t know what’s the worst thing about this.

Is it the fact that they’ve boiled and peeled an egg, added some fixin’s, and gave it a 2700% markup?

Is it the over-the-top protein concentration for people who probably don’t need any more protein?

Is it the fact that a naturally-packaged product has been unpackaged and then repackaged with environment-killing plastic?

Or is it that I would probably buy this three times a week if I had ready access?


Thanks to Emily Coit for the photo!

Organic Nut Balls

I don’t know about you, but when I’m hankerin’ for balls, I don’t want them to be adulterated. No fillers in the balls please. No preservatives either. The balls should be protein-rich, organic, and ready to eat. Don’t put flour all over the balls, or dip them in soya sauce. Just give me some simple, traditional, nut balls, the way grandma made them. Is that too much to ask for?


Thanks to Anne for this contribution!

Macaroni & Cheese Loaf

You know those times when you want nostalgic carbs, but you also want cold cuts? And you need an efficient product that can deliver both into your insatiable maw at the same time, as part of one sandwich mega-complex? And you know how you despair of ever being able to eat with such pleasure-less calculation? Rest assured, food engineers have developed the solution of your dreams.


Thank you, Hailey, for stomaching the sight of this long enough to take a picture.

Pumpkin Spice Oreo

It’s almost Hallowe’en, and I am out of words. What cannot be pumpkin spiced? What¬†has not been pumpkin spiced? Next October, I predict, supermarkets will replace all the food with one big vat of orange fluid flavoured with pumpkin spice. Customers will come by, take jugs of the stuff home to eat, or simply stick their faces right in it. The truly devoted will jump into the vat and stay there, orange and fragrant till their last breaths.

(Thanks to Sonja for this!)

Pumpkin Spiced Nog

Okay, this entry — submitted by the legitimately outraged Dianne – is so bad it’s almost good again. Eggnog is an eighteenth-century drink and seems to be descended from late medieval possets. And pumpkin spice is basically¬†a medieval spice mixture, a culinary blast from the past as it were. In fact, possets were often spiced with nutmeg and cinnamon. Basically, in search of trendiness, the folks from the aptly-named “Old New England” recreated a medieval drink. This is food gone unwittingly right!