Did you know that, using only a few simple ingredients, a basic kitchen, and your native culinary inventiveness, you can bake a Demon Thing that will haunt your nightmares until your dying day?
Thank you to Andrew R. for this. I think. I dunno, I’m going to go have a shot of something strong and ponder whether I’m really grateful or not.
Just in case you think I’m about to make fun of maple syrup: I’m a proud, passport-carrying, apologizing Canadian. Of course I’m not going to make fun of maple syrup. I am going to make fun of the State of Vermont. Now, I have nothing against Vermont, it’s a beautiful state, but it must be hard being so close to Canada. It’s just inviting comparisons, and who can measure up to Canada in the maple syrup game? So I’m not surprised that Vermont is feeling a little, how shall we put it, inadequate on the syrup front. It’s almost like Vermont is trying to tell us something about its ability to produce buckets of syrup. I just — I just can’t put my finger on it though.
Thanks to Kate N. for this, whose breakfasts apparently can’t be beat for hilarity.
There are two kinds of people in the world. People who think cooking is about simplicity, about the elegant combination of a few well-chosen ingredients in order to draw out their natural, unadulterated flavour.
And then there are people who say, “Screw it, let’s just throw throw everything tasty in the bowl.”
I am firmly in the latter camp. If cumin makes it better, then cumin, cardamom, and garam masala must make it much better. If sugar is good, then sugar and butter and rum must be heavenly. So I salute you, Kulu Desserts, for pushing the boundaries of human endeavour. I would eat your Bubble Waffle Ice Cream with strawberries and mango and whatever else you thought to put in there in a hot minute.
And thank you to James for the photo!
Friends, 2016 has been a miserable year. We need a little magic for 2017. Hannukah and Christmas coinciding is a good start. The bakeries of the Marais have a little extra help planned as well. So, in the twin spirits of food gone wrong and food gone right (sometimes a bit hard to tell apart), I wish you all a magique holiday season!
(And many thanks to my friend who took this photo!)
I started this blog to celebrate, in a lighthearted way, the disasters of everyday cooking and supermarket food. But sometimes a photo sums up the darker side of life. Like this gem from my friend Vanessa, who was trying to make fudge. It strikes me as a perfect summary, in culinary form, of the past few weeks. Because sometimes you think you’ll get smooth sweetness, but you wind up with grotty, crumbly failure.
It’s common knowledge that the first crepe always comes out looking a bit wonky. Reader Jen sends in this picture of her attempt to make chocolate crepes. On the right are crepes 1 to 4, on the left is the final, glorious, crepe 5. With strawberries and maple syrup though, all mistakes are edible.
It’s almost Hallowe’en, and I am out of words. What cannot be pumpkin spiced? What has not been pumpkin spiced? Next October, I predict, supermarkets will replace all the food with one big vat of orange fluid flavoured with pumpkin spice. Customers will come by, take jugs of the stuff home to eat, or simply stick their faces right in it. The truly devoted will jump into the vat and stay there, orange and fragrant till their last breaths.
(Thanks to Sonja for this!)